Friday, March 30, 2007

I just have big organs

I'm not fat. I just have big organs.

See? And all this time I thought I was just a tad pudgy. Remember hearing that old phrase? "Oh, she's just big boned." Well, I could never use that excuse because actually, I'm pretty small-boned. My frame is fairly average and there is something about your wrist size that is supposed to indicate whether you are small, medium, or large-boned.

I was always small-boned. Drat. Never could use the big-boned excuse.

So, for years I carry around this thing about, I'm small-boned, I should weigh less. Need to lose weight. Too much weight on those bones. Hate my tummy pouch. Ugh. Yada yada yada.

Well, geez, and now I learn, from my doctor, that the little pudge on my behalf has nothing to do with being big or small boned. Or at least that is the way I want to hear it. She would probably not concur. However, I will take this opportunity to put the blame where it should go.

I just have big organs. At least, I have a big uterus and a healthy-size bladder, according to the people who know. All of which means, of course, that my tummy bulge has nothing to do with that extra pasta I ate the other night, or the chocolate mocha chip ice cream I love, but everything to do with my 9c.m. uterus and my 400 c.c. bladder.

Which, of course, is coming out in the next few weeks. The uterus, not the bladder. Heaven forbid. Which means, of course, I can only then blame my tummy pouch on my healthy bladder. Which of course, is not coming out, but just getting a little "tuck."

Speaking of tuck. I did inquire if a tummy tuck could be part of the procedure. You know, get all things in that area fixed all at once? I mean, after 50 years of living a girl should get something, right? And guess what I found out. Yes! They CAN do a tummy tuck. At my expense, of course. Worth pondering.

Hmm...where is that six figure book deal when you need it?

But really, I think a tummy tuck is a fair trade for them taking my uterus. Don't you?


Anonymous said...

I so wish I could assure you that removal of the uterus flattens the tummy. Alas, mine's been gone 20+ years. The uterus, not the bulging tummy!


Maddie James said...

Cheryl, alas, I fear mine will not be gone either. But a girl can dream...