Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My friend sent me a horse penis?

A box arrived today from Omaha. I was expecting it. My friend called the night before to say it was on its way. She didn't tell me what it was, just that once it arrived, we'd talk.

I couldn't imagine what she had sent.

Curious, of course, I opened it. My first thought, seeing that whatever inside was wrapped in a book store bag, was that the item was book related.

My friend is an avid reader and, of course, I am an author. We love to talk books and stuff. More wrappings revealed another bag and then...

Whoa. What's that?

I'm here to tell you that many things raced through my head. My friend sent me a bag of sh*t? What the hell? I looked closer. No. No... I touched it and it was kind of squishy. Some sort of sick sex toy?

A penis. My friend sent me a horse penis?

Two horse penises? (or is that peni?) No, wait. I know. An alien penis. Two-pronged. My friend is one sick puppy...


Oh. My. God!

So here I am, standing in my kitchen, staring down at my alien horse penis vibrator and thinking...what the hell are these things and why did she send them?

I pick up the cell and dial Omaha.

Leave a comment between now and 8 pm EST Thursday July 23 (tomorrow evening) and venture a guess. I'll draw from the comments for a free ebook of your choice. Good luck!


Kris Norris said...

Oh. My. God.

Okay, I've been around horses and seen my share of ruts, but, really, oh my God!

Okay, my first thought is to go along with the pile of shit theory. I mean, ewww. I love horses, but don't give me one a part at a time!

Okay, what is it used for...hmmm...hard to think when all I can do is picture it. Okay, seriously. Definitely not a vibrator, and if it is, you couldn't pay this girl to use it, and I think I'm fairly open minded. I'd say door stopped, but let's face it, people would scream every time they came to your door... I know parts of a cow's penis is used as a dog chew stick, but usually not with the skin on.

All right. Took another look. They are in fact, not horse peni ? at all, but tubers (like squash or sweet potatoes) that have taken on a demonic form and resemble a horse's penis. That's my guess.

Can't wait to find out. God I hope I'm right, 'cause the other possibilities are scary.


Leigh Royals said...

Isn't that some sort of vegetable?

Jennifer Johnson said...

It's a root of some kind. Yucka perhaps? It looks a lot like a potato-like vegetable we ate when I was in Cameroon, Africa. Can't remember the name though. My husband says casava.

Fran Lee said...

I am thinking...root. Ugly root. Ugly root that looks a lot like a Venusian waevel penis. Or very large pupal stage of a massive and nasty insect. Suggestion...bake it.

Aleka Nakis said...

Oh, Madz...I really like the horse penis vibe idea, but...
Can't stop laughing.
The Shit, ewwww, but no.
Roots, tubers, plant stuff--yeah, I know it is boring, but I think true.
Now if it had been smooth and shinny, I would have stayed with the first hypothesis. (And we ould have made loads of money distributing the suckers.)

Maddie James said...

OOoohhhhhh, you guys are all so smart and one of you hit it square on the head.

But which one of you?

Anonymous said...

Yucka root?

Janet Eaves said...

Yucka root... It was me before too..

Unknown said...

LOL. It looks like some kind of root vegetable. I can't wait to find out what it is.

Renee Vincent said...

I think it is ginger root. That is definitely NOT a horse penis. I have horses and that its penis.
Ginger root is my answer.

JM Madden said...

Hmmm, it kinda looked like the bottom half of a mummified little man, and one of his pieces had fallen off. Then, common sense took over.
Coming from Nebraska, my first thought was maybe a variation of a ginseng root, or something. But I think I have to agee with yucca. That sounds right.
Can't wait to see the answer.

Patricia K said...

It looks like a flower bulb or vegatable bulb

Unknown said...

sh*t wat is that? LoL i've never saw dirty thing like that LoL

Anonymous said...

Nigga, what in the hell is that *@%#?