When I am perched up here like this, I am the Mistress of my Domain. All Humans bow to my presence and stand in awe of my beauty. Those of my species who dwell in my domain submit to my whim and give up the mouse at my command. When I say, “Go find treasures, such a Q-tips and empty toilet paper rolls and tacks from my Human’s bulletin board, they obey. 
I am the Queen. I am in control. I may appear aloof and uncaring but I am watching every move my Humans and Felines alike make. I spare no mercy for those who dare to interfere with my nap, or attempt to budge me from this spot. I have claimed it. It is mine. It is where I lay in thoughtful repose, contemplating the issues of my kind, considering the effects of nibbling on palm branches, and sneaking slurps of toilet water.
I am the Keeper of my Human and I take my job very seriously. For without my guidance, my Human would do strange and uncanny things, such as try to sleep late, or eat food on the couch without my permission, or clean my litter box without my supervision.
I am the Queen. I am…
Whoa. What was that? Bug?
We humor her.